Hyper-Parenting With the Best of Intentions

June 14th, 2006

I decided to break the book down by chapters to reflect on what I’ve taken away from reading it. Chapter One of Hyper-parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “With the Best Intentions.”

Many parents these days “labor ceaselessly” in order to do everything that they can for their children. In general, these “hyper-parents” don’t know where and when to cut back. Cutting back on excessive parenting may lead to feelings of being negligent in some way. “…our earnest efforts to get it just right get in our way.” At least for me, trying to do everything “by the book” led to less enjoyment of being a parent. Everytime I was not perfect, I felt like a failure.

As is customary, the authors point a finger at “the media” for causing much of the stress and hype regarding parenting. From sensationalizing rare tragedies to an impossible portrayal of family life, it could be that we never feel safe nor believe that we are doing enough. We are encouraged to rely on the “expert opinion” of the moment instead of our own intuition. Furthermore, technology has sped everything up, leading us to believe that we can do much more in the same amount of time. Zapping a dinner in the microwave may let us fit in one more activity, but what do we lose by not “going slow”?

“If we are feeling crazed by the pace of our lives, it’s not necessarily because there is something wrong with us; it may be because most people cannot handle life at warp speed.” Piano con calma sounds like a good remedy, doesn’t it?

In the end, I can live with the imperfections, knowing that good is good enough. I will attempt to listen to my children and find the right balance for us. Beautiful home, stylish clothes, perfect behavior is not ideal. What is ideal is a family that learns how to be together, how to listen to each other, how to grow together. The outside trappings are not ideal and are not what is important. Moreover, perfection in any form is not what we will seek, not as a an image nor as a reality.

Entry Filed under: Simple Living, Parenting

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. momof3feistykids  |  June 14th, 2006 at 5:33 pm

    Excellent post! I like the way you think and write. The last paragraph contains volumes of wisdom. :-)

  • 2. salamandercreek  |  June 14th, 2006 at 9:42 pm

    Thanks for this great post and for the book recommendation! Just ordered it from the library.

  • 3. scrappitydoodah  |  June 15th, 2006 at 1:27 am

    Sounds like a great book. I love your summary at the end…so, so true.

  • 4. willa  |  June 15th, 2006 at 10:46 am

    I’m enjoying your notes on the book.
    I think so many parents are on opportunity overload. There are so many sources of information for parenting and so many enriching activities available for their kids. So many neat things to buy. But all together, they make clutter in the family’s life. I like that concept of “piano con calmo.”

  • 5. moonshadows  |  June 21st, 2006 at 10:02 pm

    I hope I made it clear that laziness is not what we’re after either. Being intentional is my goal. I glip up in meeting this goal often, but as perfection is not what I’m after, I try not to let myself feel to guilty about it :)

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