Moonshadows

Hyper-Parenting with Preconceived Notions

June 15th, 2006

Chapter Two of Hyper-parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “Preconceived Notions.”

As I have no plans of ever being pregnant again, I did not spend much time pondering what was said in this chapter. However, the authors point out something that has always bothered me. Much of what is published in parenting literature presents parents with an all-or-nothing approach and leaves little room for moderation: “we seem to have lost sight of the line between responsible behavior and fanatical control.” In particular, they refer to the “Best-Odds Diet.” I can think of other parenting circles and advice books that have also been fanatical. It is very difficult for me to relax without feeling negligent. I cried over the formula that we fed to my newborn when it was clear that I was not producing enough milk.

Though the chapter was not as interesting to me, I did reflect a bit on what I remember of my first pregnancy. What did you (or would you) first do when you found out you were pregnant? What were you supposed to do (according to the experts)? My first reaction was to research and find out what I could about preganacy. I then berated myself for not having made sure that I got enough folic acid the six months before conception. Looking back, I’m sure that I had enough folic acid just from the regular food I ate, and the stress of worry replaced some of the joy and wonder. I want to watch the joy and wonder of my kids’ lives and not spend my time worrying if I am giving them enough enrichment.

The chapter can be summarized with the quote “But as we work so hard trying to make it all happen just right, planning for every little detail of our new family’s future, we may end up missing how miraculous the creation of a new life really is.”

Entry Filed under: Parenting