Hyper-Parenting by Listening to the Experts
June 17th, 2006
Chapter Four of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “Listen to the Experts.”
“Excepting that parenting professionals can help us to get our children to behave the way we want or grow up to be the adults we want them to be is setting our hopes way to high.” I’d say that this applies to the homeschooling experts, too. I enjoy reading about how others approach homeschooling, and I certainly appreciate some guidlines, but how I chose to follow those guidlines is my choice, and I will not feel that by not following the expert advice to the letter I am not doing enough for my kids.
“We need to relax, to tune in to our intuition, to know our children and ourselves better.” I KNOW that homeschooling is helping us to know our children better. I still need to work on the “knowing ourselves beter” part, but I have an idea on that, which comes along with the post about Chapter Nine. Can you wait that long?
Shortcuts through the hard work of parenting can lead to superficial understanding of each other. We can train the children to do what we want them to do, but what do we lose by doing it? Moreover, the children need to see us make mistakes, make amends, try again.
As we always hear: “When it comes to your child, you are the expert. I am not suggesting however that parents should ignore everything an expert has to say. There are many things to be learned from them.
I have read far too many parenting books. I take what fits for us. I appreciate the insights that many have to offer regarding different behaviors and stages in development. Knowing that I am not alone and understanding possible causes has been quite useful. Moreover, having someone point out possible effects of my actions has helped me to consider how I want to parent.
What is some good advice that you have learned from an expert?
Entry Filed under: Parenting
4 Comments Add your own
1. willa | June 17th, 2006 at 11:25 am
At the best, I read parenting books so I can have a mental conversation with the author and clarify my own point of view. But of course, there’s always the possibility of getting overwhelmed by “expertise” and losing my own intuition. That usually happens when I’m feeling uncertain already. So I think the most helpful books for me are the ones that offer general tips that are similar to what I’m already doing, and don’t guarantee perfection. Thanks for keeping up this series, it’s very interesting!
2. Cindy | June 18th, 2006 at 12:31 am
I think this is such an important point! I am SO in to trusting parents. Sometimes, these days, in the homeschooling world, and particularly in the unschooling world, there is so much talk of trusting the children, but I see it not being extended to trusting each other as parents! I am SO thankful I grew up in homeschooling through my own process of learning. As I granted myself that time, I also do the same for my children
It seems with the information age of sharing, there comes good and bad. We can now get together in so many ways, especially virtually. But with that came an increase in “expertness” and “how to’s”. I found myself even as a twelve year veteran at the time of entering the on-line world of homeschooling feeling inadequate.
So, in time, after I went through my own learning curve with it all, I became a strong advocate in helping parents believe in themselves, their intuition as you mentioned, and their process. To me, the process is amazing . . . enjoy it; embrace it. And then, so will our children as they stumble and progress.
Okay, off my own soapbox . . . LOL!
3.
momof3feistykids | June 18th, 2006 at 8:08 am
This is a thoughtful and balanced post.
I gain a great deal from “experts” when I read a variety of different points of view, weigh what each one offers against my own experiences and my particular children’s needs, and incorporate it into my own beliefs and practices in an eclectic way. I hope this makes sense. I have been inspired by Charlotte Mason, Ruth Beechick, John Holt, and many others.
4.
moonshadows | June 21st, 2006 at 10:08 pm
I like how Willa said it. Reading the experts helps me to clarify and undertand my point of view.
I think it is worthwhile to read some parenting books, while being careful not to get overwhelmed by them.
One (dare I say troll) person commented (I deleted it) that I should stop reading books and spend time with my kids. Um, hello, I spend MOST of my time with my kids. I don’t think some side reading is detrimental to them or to me. The main point of Hyper-parenting is that I should be sure to maintain my sense of self and do things apart from my kids.
I don’t read ONLY parenting books, but as this is a community of homeschoolers, reviews on books about parenting and homeschooling seem to be more appropriate than my reviewing A Short History of Scotland or Life of Pi.
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