Moonshadows

Hyper-Parenting: Whose Life Is It?

June 18th, 2006

Chapter Five of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “Whose Life Is It?.”

Shlould we plan our children’s lives completely, shielding them from every disappointment? Should we be sure that they have something to fill every monent? No. These are their lives. They must learn to live them without constant interruptions from us.

What really should be beginning to happen as children get older is that they start to take over more responsibility for their own lives, and their parents start to let go. If the goal is for children to develop the skills they need to be independent and self-sufficient, they need practice.

Absolutely. Sometimes people seem surprised at how much my kids do on their own. They pick out their own outifts and make their own food (not every meal, but some meals and snacks). My eldest does much of her homeschool studies on her own, with guidance from me. The list goes on, but that isn’t the point.

“…our earnest effort to be good parents deprives our children of this sense of joy and discovery.”

If my kids have a question for an adult, I tell them to go ask for themselves. If it is uncomfortable for them, I will go and stand by them, but I want them to forge the bond with the other person without me acting as intermediary. I don’t need to find answers for them. I need to guide them into learning to find and critique the answers on their own.

In quiet moments, the mind often works on its own, under the surface, to solve vexing personal problems….So down time may not be entirely down. But real boredowm and personal responibility for your own free time also teach children other lessons.

This is something that I strongly agree with and is one of my reasons for wishing to homeschool my kids. They get plenty of free time to discover themselves and enjoy their own pursuits. The words “I’m bored” are almost never uttered in our house. As the girls are used to having to find things to do, they have become quite proficient at it and don’t feel the need for external entertainment.

Entry Filed under: Parenting