Posts filed under 'Simple Living'
Chapter Three of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “The Right Stuff.”
Buying stuff starts even before conception sometimes. Rooms are filled with stuff before the baby is born. I admit, some of what we bought was useful for us. My first child hated the baby swing, but the second loved it. At times, it was the only way I was able to get a break from holding her. (And there’s the perfectionist guilt again - how vould I call myself an AP parent if I actually *gasp* put her down sometimes!) But we had too many toys and too many clothes. One thing I mostly avoided was the educational stuff for babies. Babies don’t need to use their time productively. Our lives and homes are stimulating enough. Baby’s favorites? The car keys and the cellphone.
The stuff phenomenon continues as children age. Sports equipment, educational toys, comptuers, books, games, clothes. Clutter, materialistic values and reliance on stuff tends to take away our joy of being. The time and effort it takes to care for the things can take away from the time and energy we would rather be investing in our families. (”Pick up your stuff!”)
Why do we buy so much stuff for our kids? Do they really need it? Do we think our lives will be easier and better if we keep buying more stuff? Are we afraid that we are being negligent if the kids don’t have the latest edutainment toy? My girls love to create their own toys from sticks and rocks they find in the woods. Of course, there are some toys that we have bough that have been a constant big hit, such as Legos and the Gamewright games. Again, I’m not aiming for perfection, but intentional moderation.
I try to really consider the impact of my purchases. Even stuff that is used or on sale has an impact on our lives. It is not always easy to remember to be intentional about my purchases. I do fairly well when it comes to buying stuff for the kids, but I have much room to improve when it comes to buying stuff for myself and the house.
June 16th, 2006
I decided to break the book down by chapters to reflect on what I’ve taken away from reading it. Chapter One of Hyper-parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise is called “With the Best Intentions.”
Many parents these days “labor ceaselessly” in order to do everything that they can for their children. In general, these “hyper-parents” don’t know where and when to cut back. Cutting back on excessive parenting may lead to feelings of being negligent in some way. “…our earnest efforts to get it just right get in our way.” At least for me, trying to do everything “by the book” led to less enjoyment of being a parent. Everytime I was not perfect, I felt like a failure.
As is customary, the authors point a finger at “the media” for causing much of the stress and hype regarding parenting. From sensationalizing rare tragedies to an impossible portrayal of family life, it could be that we never feel safe nor believe that we are doing enough. We are encouraged to rely on the “expert opinion” of the moment instead of our own intuition. Furthermore, technology has sped everything up, leading us to believe that we can do much more in the same amount of time. Zapping a dinner in the microwave may let us fit in one more activity, but what do we lose by not “going slow”?
“If we are feeling crazed by the pace of our lives, it’s not necessarily because there is something wrong with us; it may be because most people cannot handle life at warp speed.” Piano con calma sounds like a good remedy, doesn’t it?
In the end, I can live with the imperfections, knowing that good is good enough. I will attempt to listen to my children and find the right balance for us. Beautiful home, stylish clothes, perfect behavior is not ideal. What is ideal is a family that learns how to be together, how to listen to each other, how to grow together. The outside trappings are not ideal and are not what is important. Moreover, perfection in any form is not what we will seek, not as a an image nor as a reality.
June 14th, 2006
I’ve just finished reading Hyper-parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? by Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, and Nicole Wise.
Hyper-parenting includes “overscheduling” and “over enriching” our children, forcing us as parents to give up what is meaningful to us (other than our kids’ lives). The authors make the point that in a typical middle class American family, there is plenty of enrichment already. We should not fill our days with activities, lessons, educational opportunities too good to be missed, etc, at the detriment of our sanity.
This book fits in well with my current goal of “Piano con Calma”. I want our lives to be enriched, not by the quantity of outside activities we do, but by making connections within our family and community. This week is our slow week and it has been wonderful for all of us. We have planned no activities apart from our weekly trip to the library. The girls are reading, playing games, swimming and enjoying their childhoods.
June 14th, 2006